5 Discreet Ways to Get Sex Toys While Living With Someone Else

Bringing toys into your relationship doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, if you use them with consent, they can be fun and bring you closer together.

It may be best to keep your sex toys in a purse or other concealing object when not in use. This way, if your roommate stumbles across them, they’ll just assume it’s a regular purse or bag.

Discreet toy acquisition is doable with water-based lubes and secure storage like lockable containers. Online ordering and smart planning can preserve your privacy.

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1. Go to a sex store.

When it comes to buying sex toys, some people may be nervous about talking openly about their sexual desires in a store. For that reason, sex toys are often stocked in discreetly-branded boxes and shipped in nondescript envelopes.

Similarly, if you buy sex toys online, they might arrive in plain packaging. Depending on your comfort level, that could make it more difficult to identify whether the toy is for masturbation or not.

To help ease your anxieties, consider purchasing sex toys in pouch-style bags. That way, if a roommate does find them, they can be written off as regular old purse contents. Also, look for storage options that can grow with your collection. If possible, opt for toys made from a non-porous material like glass or medical-grade silicone. That makes them easier to clean and less likely to harbor bacteria or viruses.

2. Go online.

For those who don’t want to deal with the hassle of finding a good sex toy store in their area, there are plenty of great options online. From OG Pleasure Products Company Lovehoney to up-and-coming brands with cute, friendly toys, there are lots of options to choose from.

When shopping for sex toys online, it’s important to find a trusted seller. Many of these toys are not regulated by the government and can contain toxic materials, like phthalates, which have been known to cause cancer.

• Use water-based lubrication
• Prevents infections, lengthens lifespan
• Discreet storage spot
• Lockable storage option
• Maintain toy longevity

It’s also a good idea to use a lot of water-based lube to keep your toys clean. It’s a great way to avoid any infections and will help your toy last longer. You should also consider getting a secret storage spot to keep your sex toys away from prying eyes. There are a variety of small boxes and bags available to fit sex toys, and some are even lockable for extra security.

3. Go to a sex bar.

Some partners may feel threatened or offended by the idea of using sex toys together, especially if they’re raised to believe that “a good partner doesn’t need toys.” Be prepared for this, and try to bring your discussion about toys into your bedroom with empathy.

For example, Torrisi suggests asking your partner how their nipples or butt would feel with a vibrator, and then experimenting with that on them. Or, you could play with a vibrator in a place you both enjoy—like your neck or shoulder or the insides of your thigh.

Also, a sex bar might have condoms or lube available, but it’s always a good idea to bring some of your own (and use them with caution!). Fosnight also recommends verbally encouraging your partner with sexual language, like telling them how good they feel.

4. Go to a sex club.

Most sex clubs will provide condoms and lube, and they’ll probably also have implements like a dildo or flogger on hand, but it’s good to bring your own anyway, as you never know what kind of toys are available. Plus, a little extra lube might make things more intense, and it’s easier to clean up after yourself with sex toy cleaner ($20, Amazon).

If you and your partner are both new to using toys together, consider getting a dual vibrator for masturbation. It’s a safe, fun way to get comfortable with one another’s pleasure and explore each other’s sensual interests — and it can double as foreplay. But before you dive in, have a plan for what to do if it goes wrong. And don’t forget a set of simple satin blindfolds for sensory deprivation. You can always use them to cover your eyes if you start feeling uncomfortable or your partner gets turned on too much.

5. Go to a sex spa.

When choosing toys, look for ones that are nontoxic. PVC toys often contain phthalates, which can be bad for you over time. Instead, opt for silicone or metal toys, which are generally less toxic and can be used in sensitive areas.

People use sex toys for all kinds of reasons. They can help masturbate, aid sex, and help you achieve an orgasm in ways that aren’t possible without a partner. They can also be helpful for people with vulvas or disabilities and for those who struggle to have sex naturally.

If you live with a partner, talk to them about exploring sex toys together. It can be uncomfortable to bring up, but it doesn’t have to be. Some experts suggest making toy research and shopping a couples activity, which can build intimacy and excitement. Just make sure to always put condoms on your toys, to prevent STDs from spreading.

6. Go to a sex salon.

Getting your partner on board with exploring toys doesn’t have to be a big, scary undertaking. Half a dozen sex counselors, educators and toy experts shared their best tips for broaching the subject in a way that’s productive and comfortable.

If you’re a toy newbie, shopping together can be an opportunity to learn more about what draws you to different products and how they might work for you. Plus, it can double as foreplay.

However you go about bringing up the topic, avoid connecting it to criticisms or frustrations with your relationship’s sexuality, Boyajian says. That can play right into any underlying insecurities your partner might have. She also advises against whipping out a toy during sex, which can feel too abrupt and stressful. Instead, try introducing the toy ahead of time. This lets your partner know that it’s something you both want to explore.

7. Go to a sex bar.

For example, if you find a sex toy in a shared area, it’s probably best to treat it like any other object, such as a toothbrush or a retainer. That takes the “sexy” element out of the equation and reduces any potential anxiety or discomfort a roommate may feel about the toy touching their genitals.

Torrisi also points out that people use toys for masturbation, and there are lots of great options for edging—pushing your partner to the edge of orgasm and then backing off. A vibrator is perfect for edging and can be just as fun to play with as a dildo.

Additionally, a toy can be used on any part of the body (including the neck, armpits, and inner thigh), and sensory deprivation, such as blindfolding, makes it even more intense. And don’t forget about the possibilities for sexy role reversals.

8. Go to a sex club.

It’s okay to be interested in toys even if you are in a relationship. But the best time to bring up toys is after you’ve started having regular, open conversations about your sexual wants and needs, Fosnight says.

She suggests approaching the topic as something you learned about in a magazine, online discussion or from your friends and partners. Also, make sure to wash your sex toys regularly (and change condoms before using them again) and avoid sharing with others.

It’s not uncommon for a partner to be uncomfortable with the idea of you playing with a toy on your own, especially if it’s a traditionally used object like a dildo or leather whip. It might help to talk about it in a nonjudgmental way, such as explaining how different intensities can make the experience more pleasurable and satisfying.

9. Go to a sex spa.

For couples, toys can be an exciting way to explore new areas together. Fosnight recommends bringing up the subject of toys only after you’ve already established “a strong foundation for intimate conversation.” It might take months or even years to get to that point in a new relationship, and many people don’t feel comfortable broaching the topic of sex toys early on.

Once you’ve settled on a toy, make sure to take some time to familiarize yourself with it. Familiarizing yourself with the buttons and different intensities helps you to feel confident about using it during sex. Also, consider buying a set of simple satin blindfolds for extra sensory deprivation during play.

Another fun toy trick is to use a vibrator in the bath or shower to experience the feeling of vibration on sensitive areas. This can be especially effective for sexy role reversals, like asking your partner to penetrate you with a strap-on while you blow them.

10. Go to a sex salon.

A lot of people don’t feel comfortable bringing vibrators and sex toys into the bedroom, especially if their partner isn’t on board. “There’s this deep-rooted insecurity that bringing in anything other than your hands and mouth into sex is like you’re telling your partner they’re not good enough,” says NYC-based sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D.

The best way to get past that, she suggests, is to start by talking about erogenous areas that your partner might not be familiar with. Try pointing out the erotic potential of your own bottom, or how smooth silicone feels running down the back of a dildo.

Once you’ve had a few conversations about how you each imagine pleasure, bring in the toys. Just remember to always use condoms if you’re sharing a toy that goes on or near your genitals, and wash the toy after each use.